Cliffhanger Birthday

This is how it feels like to be in the mid-thirties, make up and all. 

For weeks, I imagine that when your age ends with 5, it is like dangling your foot on the edge of a cliff, thinking, waiting what would happen next if you try to move an inch. It is the closest analogy, right? People expect you to have a stable and good-looking life at 25. Then, at 35, they further expect that your life should have been bigger and better--bigger and better family, bigger and better kids, bigger and better career, and bigger and better experience. If I try to put it into my perspective, I think I would have gone off-balance and totally fell from that cliff because for the life of me, I absolutely wonder how life passed me by!

I think I have written almost a similar blog entry a decade ago. If I still remember correctly, I think nothing much has changed except maybe for a few small, almost boring happenings. Those life changing ones were, well, I'd rather not look back and think about them again. I have to admit that there are moments that when I get to think about what life has become, I just feel glum and low that even getting out of bed can be cumbersome. Some of you might say that I still have more things to be thankful for. While that may be true (and I am also well aware of it), I believe that embracing those dark moments is needed to appreciate more the bright things in life.

Now that I am officially 35, thousands of things are bouncing in and out of my head. I cannot mention all of them now, but to pretty much sum it up, I think it all boils down to this one simple question: what now? I know some of the answers are just within my reach, the rest may either be high above me, down below, or simply written in the stars, if you will. And because of that, I fear and long for that unknown. And I'm afraid this would continue this rollercoaster of whatever in my head! So I guess I am left with no other choice but to just wait and see!

But despite of having that daunting feeling of  getting older while all the people change and I still do not feel the same as them, I am still beyond thankful for the special day and for another year. It still never fails to show me that the people who surround me think of me different, and in a very good, special, and loving way! That's why I constantly tell myself that these people matter more than anybody else out there.  You know who you guys are. And allow me to thank you (again, from the core of my being) for keeping me sane--and making me feel loved for another year!

I would like to end by shortly summarizing how I ringed this 35th year on earth. Well, I splurged for a new color and 'do at this chic Korean salon at the mall over the weekend (as pre-birthday and pre-renewal of my driver's license. Charing!). Renewed my license on the eve of my birthday, and bought some Korean beauty products and treated the family at this new and hip Korean buffet downtown to celebrate the day. I realized later on that I was coincidentally--unintentionally--being Korean in celebrating this new age! Then I dreamily thought that maybe this is a sign of me going to South Korea either for a vacay or longer than a vacay! This may still be a far fetched idea at the moment, but I would like to think that it just may be possible, right? (Korea, here I come! Yahoo!)

So, I guess being at this cliffhanger age may not be so bad after all. And look at that, this quote even says so!

Cheers to another grand year! (I am sure of it 'coz I am attracting it starting yesterday! Charing!)