While I was enjoying my bacon and cheese bunwich at Dunkin Donuts, I still found my order slip taped on my tray. I am not sure how I would react to what was written there, and because of that, I decided not to leave the order slip on my tray and brought it home with me. The brown stripe top that was described in the order slip was one of those outfits that was hanging on our clothes rack for more than a year already. The first and the last time I wore it was on my sister's 18th birthday. It indeed took me quite a while to wear it because first, I reckoned that it was a "party outfit," and second, My brother told me that night that someone told him the top made me look fatter. I am not trying to say here that I lost enough weight to pull of the get up, but I think the dark, tight-fit jeans that I just recently bought gave me some confidence to pair it with that top, thus, my wearing it the second time around.
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As I was slowly consuming my bunwich and munchkins, I suddenly had a guilt trip again over my heavy snack. Aside from the fact that it might add another pound...maybe kilo in my weight, it would also create a huge dent on my budget. I sadly texted my cousin that for the past week, I am slowly bringing back practically all my bad habits that I thought I left in the big city. I was even making these sorry excuses that I needed them to gain full momentum at work, especially now that I am going to have my hands full on paperworks. I also can't help but think if these are my way of punishing myself, or atoning for whatever I thought I did wrong over the years or something. Either way, I am not sure anymore if it is worth going back, or rewinding. I don't really know what to think anymore. I haven't been myself for the past 4 weeks already. It's like this chain I have been carrying for so long is really beginning to feel its real weight already and its slowly consuming not only my energy but my entire being as well. I feel so tired that I am now relying on those things I was trying to set aside just to keep breathing...
Anyway, more of it in my next blog. I think that CAN give us [me included, of course] a cleaer picture...
Anyway, more of it in my next blog. I think that CAN give us [me included, of course] a cleaer picture...

