Text messages from friends and batchmates were coming in my phone like frenzy. They even called when text messages took long to elaborate the news. Then a childhood best friend, who has been calling and updating me, informed me on the side that she quit smoking cold turkey after knowing the state of our batchmate. Our other best friend also did the same. They encouraged me to do the same, too.
Here's the thing. Most, if not all of us, are smokers. Since we entered college. I tried to stop smoking 8 years ago, and after 13 months of clean living, I reconciled with my old habit and it has been with me ever since. The idea of quiting just because someone we knew and were practically close with died of lung cancer honestly caught me in the middle. Part of me (actually, most of me) is defiant, like I still feel unafraid and invincible. He was fit and healthy (and a non-smoker, as far as I know) and he still caught the disease, anyway, I reasoned. Quitting now or not won't totally make any difference. On the other hand, I also acknowledge my mortality. I also know people who lived freely during their youth...and with that I mean they drank and smoked like there was no tomorrow...and they still live up to this day. But I know it is still too early for me to tell if I'd also get to see myself age and get all wrinkled up like them. My point is, life is full of mystery and good and bad surprises, and I am still as stubborn as a mule. I still think that just because everybody else is doing it doesn't also mean I do the same too, right?
But don't get me wrong. This news is also a wake up call. But what I want now is to grieve for the loss of this person who, at first was honest to show me he did not like me back in Grade 4 (or was it in Grade 3), but we ended up being friends anyway a year or two later. He became a constant caller at home when we were freshmen in high school after he told me of his intention (and my help) to court one of my best friends, and he was the one who told me to eat lunch with the rest of our batchmates during our first day in UPMin. Our connection went on when we both found out that we were accepted to the same call center (we flew to Manila on the same day, as well) and ended up as batchmates during training. He was the first one to quit the job , but I was surprised (again) to find out the following year that we were working at the same call center in Makati. We lost touch after that. The news I hear about him would either be from friends, batchmates, and Instagram.
I've wanted to pay a visit when I was told of his state. But, for some reason, I was letting fate decide whether I am meant to see him again or not. I waited for friends to invite me to come visit him with them.
Unfortunately, it is too late for me now.
Jiggy, I know you are in a better place now. I am sorry I was not able to come say hi (or goodbye) to you, but do know that I am grateful for the times we have shared during our growing up years. Thank you for being a good person that you are.
As for my habit, I still have 3 left in my stash. I have no intention of throwing it unused, but after consuming this pack, maybe I'll take a break for a while, as my way of celebrating and commemorating your life here with us. But rest assured I will take things slow from now on, most especially over this habit. I will be even more responsible, and will definitely make sure not in front of people who chose to breathe a fresher and cleaner air than I do. It is the least I can do, for now.
Rest easy now, my friend.
