Lost and Found

Thanks to this learning blog writing marathon, I was reminded of this particular blog entry I initially posted in Friendster years ago I decided to check my other still existing blogs to see if I was being cautious back then (aka backing up files/ journal entries). Thanks to my very first blog, I was able to give a sigh of relief that that honest, straight-from-the-heart-of-a-hopeless-romantic-me entry is still available online. I read it again, of course, and inevitably it brought back memories. Maybe if I was in my twenties, I would feel a certain ache, or contraction in my chest while reliving them in my head. But since I am now way past that age (ugh.), I have this urge to bash my head on the wall as my way of berating myself for being so emotional and naive. What was I thinking back then?

Of course it is too late to regret. And I try not to regret every decision and every action I made especially when I was young(er). I guess there is a reason why I have to see those very old entries again. One is it made me come to a realization that I do not want to write that way anymore. I have this urge to rewrite it, but definitely NOT in that manner. I was thinking it can make a good material for a story, or a poem, or something (yeah, something). That particular desire to create something came rushing back to my senses once again. Isn't that my main reason why I opened my online journal in the first place? To collect ideas  and then convert them to stories later on?

Am I saying that it is the right time now to unearth all of them and write them all down the way I REALLY want them to be? Maybe. I mean, I am old enough to follow my dreams now, right?  But, is this the dream that is in my pedestal, in the first place?

I am the only one who can answer all my questions, apparently. But let's see. If there is something that I should be grateful over this stressful situation (thanks to my grad studies), it is giving me the chance again to open my blog and just write like I am a human typewriter sans the correction fluid. I hope this habit and momentum stick for a long, long time 'cause I badly need to be this way!