I suddenly felt the need to return a favor, thus this entry
And I guess this is also my desperate reaction after I received a text message from one of my sidelines/part time jobs that I “SHOULD PARAPHRASE EVEN MORE.” [I intentionally wrote that in caps because that’s how I exactly received the text message this morning]. I am basically laughing it off, acting like I never really cared that much. In fact, my reply to that text was, “ok. I will try to work harder on that. Thanks for the heads up.” I intentionally inserted the word try in my message, to imply that I will do what I can, with not that much effort in my part. And if that will not even give satisfaction over my output, then it will be just fine if I end up not working further over the project entirely.
The truth of the matter is, I may act and look like I don’t care. But at the back of my head, I want to slug myself over and over and over again for slacking off. And this time, I think I have every reason to. I know I can do this job. This is what I technically studied in college, anyway. I should do well at this! I even told myself and everyone that I love the challenge of shifting from creative to technical writing. I even chose Development Communication as my master’s degree, thinking that it will give me more opportunity to do more technical writing, since it is so very much needed in my current work. Even if it is quite unrelated from my degree, writing is still writing. I should be able to pull this thing off, and pull it off well. But, as always, the drive to start writing and finish writing is like sucking the entire life energy out of me. The concentration to sit down for a long time and just plain write those papers is such an arduous task. It’s even more tormenting and laborious than washing the entire household laundry in one day. My mind is really having a hard time focusing. Not because I am bothered by something else [I guess I am over that stage—for now—thank you very much!], but because I’d rather be busy doing something totally irrelevant. Something that will not help me grow professionally. In most days, I practically waste much of my mornings and afternoons playing solitaire in my office computer [with this sorry excuse that it is my way of getting my paper works done], and nights watching Big Bang videos and downloading music, pictures, and videos [and then some] on the side. When sleeping time comes, I would often realize that I wasn’t able to accomplish something relevant. Talk about ways on turning my life around.
Whatever happened to my goal on becoming a better person? On my desire to be someone that should be reckoned with, especially by those people out there who didn’t believe in me in the first place? If I go on like this, it will definitely prove them right! And I don’t think they deserve to get that much pleasure any further. But how on earth am I ever going to calm these storms in my head? When all I can think of is finding ways and means to satiate my addiction on my current eye candies? I am too old to act like this, for crying out loud! But what can I do? They, unfortunately, brought my sanity back on track. And now, I can’t practically live a day without a glimpse of them.
If only these papers would just write on their own. Mirroring my thoughts, of course. But, as a movie title goes, reality bites.
I’d better snap out of that wishful thinking. Now.
0 comments:
Post a Comment